Life: How to choose your life partner?
Context:
I have been asked by many folks (especially the young generations, they are mostly the millennials who could be Generation-Y and the Generation-Z, and they are either basically from the circle of friends at work or known family friends, etc) in the recent past on how they can choose their life partner in the current state of a fast-moving world to have a successful marriage and relationship.
First thing, first!
Examine yourself - are you really ready for marriage?
If the answer to the above question is "No", then, take your own time and just listen to yourself and that's completely okay. Don't go into the trap of marriage😉 for the sake of marriage. And if you wanted to achieve something really big and you are completely different from others, and you think about yourself that you are completely an independent and wanted to live as an individual forever, then really go for it - chase your dreams and you don't get influenced by any of these pressures like the societal or peer or colleague or relative, or family and friends, etc. If you are not ready for the marriage and if you are sure about it, then, more than you are doing good to the marriage you would be trapped in the marriage and you are putting yourself at risk plus your partner also in the same error zone. Also, you can't take risks and you might feel bad or worse or worst based on the outcomes later and you might not even able to enjoy the journey of your married life too, So be cautious is the disclaimer I wanted to mention before I jump on to the other answer.
If the answer is "Yes", then this snippet is for you. Perhaps, this might not be the best free advice if your time for selection is limited, and yet, these are my own experiences by observing myself and others around me in our society and might be useful for you in any way. Don't chase me if this piece of advice doesn't work for you, as I am not the love or relationship guru out there, and let me admit that I am also learning to understand the fast-moving generations and their human nature😃
- Assuming that the readers are from India and they have grown up in the Indian heritage of culture and follow some of the Indian marriage customs
- Folks who have grown up in the villages, towns, cities in India
- Folks who are not from the super-rich families; as the marriages in this category are mostly a business partnership for them (sorry to generalize here)
- Folks have the freedom and yet they follow their parents' guidance and wait for multiple options and choices from the elders in their families
- Folks who have huge respect for arranged marriages than love marriages
- Folks who turn their live-in relationships to arranged marriages eventually
- Try to see what is your (or your family) value system, and see what are your basic core values and see how many of those are meeting with the other potential family. For example: if you are from a teachers family better not to explore a politician family as that would not gel well in the long run
- Find out what is their communication style and especially the mother tongue and how are their customs and culture are really relevant for you or your family: Take an early call whether you wanted to have similar customs or you and your family don't even bother about these things at all
- Job profile: Same domain or different domain - just be clear about it, whether you want to have your better half also in the same domain or doesn't matter to you
- Both of the above choices have advantages and disadvantages. If both belong to the same domain, after some years it might be boring, and yet, some couples enjoy the same or similar interests. Whereas some couples don't have similar professions and they can see and understand a different side of their partners' work-life and it would complement as a yin-yang life experiences. At least, try to have some common interests and it works well to create a good bonding
- Location preference: City, town, or any other place - just be vocal about your plans and see the matching choices between each other as early as possible
- What is your relationship with money, and how your partner looks at it: Understand it clearly, as money makes many things and at the same time, the same money can break many things too :(
- Evaluate the communication style: how easily you can connect with the other, and it's all about the conversations. Life is not a sprint and it's a marathon and you need to have a lot of various conversations throughout your life journey. That means you should be able to talk about anything and everything with the other. Communication is the key to true love or likeability
- Understand and see how much they are a trustworthy and kind and lovable person as a true human: this is so important that we are all human and social animals where the true human nature can be observed in certain simple things while you walk the talk and how the other person is treating not just you but others around in the society and who and how are his/her circle of friends and where are they up to... these are some cues that would let you know what sort of person the other is...
- Confident and Individualness: Being confident as a person and believe in their own self and having his own individuality of actions for various matters in his/her way of the leading life
- Don't just look for the IQ or the current salary as a package: Look for the future earning potential (how does he/she improving daily and show something constantly better than yesterday) in the other person with the right mix of IQ and EQ, apparently, the folks who have got the better mix of both has got the better standard of lives than the folks who have only IQ
- Talk to the other at least a few times before marriage and find opportunities and time: To figure out are you feeling psychological safety while talking to the other, do you feel emotionally safe, are you guys have a common life purpose or completely different and etc
- Don't assume and expect the other person to change for you: It has never happened in the histories that anyone would change the other person or their mindset. Any given mindset is the hard-wired traits and those can't be changed easily and it might take decades or it might cost a life to change. Try to be as open as you can, and go with a positive open mindset with your self-awareness and it works like a miracle to the well being of your planned life with the other
- More than a go-getter, be a go-giver: This does amazing things in your love, mutual respect, and relationships, etc
- It's okay to have some specific standards but don't overboard them and expect from others too
- Yes, looks matter: But they get fade away after some time so think about them in a balanced way For example, your partner looks amazing but with a cruel mind then what's the use for you
- If you don't like the other, and most of your checklist of requirements do not match, then don't get trapped into the emotional drama with the other and their families; just be open and clear about it and move on as soon as you can
- Finally don't look for 100% bug-free products: What I mean here is that there is nothing called a perfect personality, So adjust, accept, reinvent and rejuvenate your life with the other!
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